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FRANKENSTORM! Brought to You by Wal-Mart
I am writing this blog from a bunker 100 feet below the ground, where I am huddled with my sons, wife and two cats. We came down here two days ago when we heard Hurricane Sandy was coming. By now...
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Wait…My Kids are Going to Live WAY Longer Than Me!
I don’t know if you heard yet, but it’s 2013. 20-freakin’-13. Wasn’t it just 1982? Didn’t I just get a cable box with two rows of press buttons in order to watch HBO when it came on at 4PM? Or MTV, so...
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Slow, Stupid, Dirty Commercials!
With the Super Bowl approaching, and its compendium of almost tolerable commercials, I thought I’d do a list of the five worst current ads on the air today. Not just the bad ones—let’s face it, even...
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Rejection Letter Rigoletto
What the rejection letter says: “Dear Brian, Thank you for sending us a sample of your play Banshee. Although we congratulate the wonderful reception your Fringe production received, regrettably the...
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Security
Mychal’s hair is just so. His father guides the car down the steep mountain slope that empties into the little town where his school is. The 5th grade concert starts at 7pm and Lindsey is going to be...
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Sister Mercedes and the Temple of Doom–free ebook until April 6th!
Hi There! To celebrate the publishing of my new ebook Sister Mercedes and the Temple of Doom, I would like to send all my readers a free digital copy! The book is based on posts here at Pettiplays...
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Too Much Penis Information
“Dad!” Conor calls from the other room. “What?” “Do you care about Mom’s vagina?” Confused? Shocked? Revolted? Me too, and he’s my kid. I struggle with what to say next. “Intimately!” is the best I...
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Reason 6,873 Why I Should Never Be Allowed to Leave the House
Mary El and I get in the car Saturday to drive down the mountain to our landlord’s bank in order to deposit the rent check. We have to pay by the 15th of each month because our landlord has some...
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Five Reasons Why “The Following” is Balls
I like Kevin Bacon. I really do. I gave this show a shot mostly because of him. I gave it a second shot because he was in it. I watched the rest of the season…well, not because of him anymore, but out...
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Want My Advice? Of Course You Don’t!
I was recently given some unsolicited advice about grammar by a well-meaning person who only had my best interests at heart. Don’t you love well-meaning people who only have your best interests at...
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Sister Mercedes and the Temple of Doom–FREE 6/10-14
My ebook Sister Mercedes and the Temple of Doom will be offered for FREE on Amazon from 6/10 to 6/14! Here is the description: “Sister Mercedes and the Temple of Doom” is a collection of blog posts...
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Let Us Give (Ahem) Thanks
Thank you that when my wife Mary Ellen said to my son Conor, “Do you want me to snap and kill all of you?” it probably didn’t include me. Most likely. Hopefully. Thank you for the 652 people who had...
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What NOT to Do While Attending a Stage Show
I was a fat boy. A big ‘ole fat fat fatty. I am, from long being among their number, quite sensitive to the plight of the overweight, and I denounce those who denigrate people based solely on their...
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Moving on Up, to the Least Side
Atlas holding up the world, which is slightly less heavy than our Attic Heirlooms dresser. You know what’s really freaking fun? Moving. Right up there with dental work, airplane travel or talking...
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Sister Mercedes and the Temple of Doom FREE 9/20-22
Beginning September 20th through Sunday the 22nd, my ebook “Sister Mercedes and the Temple of Doom” will be available as a FREE download on Amazon. If you haven’t read it yet, download it! If you know...
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Obsession, Thy Name is Fantasy Baseball
I’ve heard that the role of the artist is to persuade his audience to share his obsessions. With the risk of elevating my measly blog to the level of “art”, let me tell you about my fantasy baseball...
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Eat, Spray, Love
You know what’s a lovely smell? Cat spray. It’s like the natural aroma of the Siamese jungle. If there’s a jungle in Siam, I’ve never been. Though I have seen The King and I. Actually, cat spray...
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The Christmyth List
Halloween is behind us, so you all know what that means. We are hurtling head-long into the holiday season at 1000 miles-per-hour. The decorations that were being barely held at bay in the Wal-Mart...
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Katy Perry’s “Roar” Explicated As If It Were a Shakespearean Sonnet
“Roar” by Katy Perry I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath Scared to rock the boat and make a mess So I sat quietly, agreed politely I guess that I forgot I had a choice I let you push me past...
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Patty Duke Sipped Here
I have a story to tell my friends. It’s a show-biz story. A story of perseverance, fortitude and a never-say-die attitude. A story of pluck, determination, ambition! It’s about going out there a...
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